Bittersweet Heartsongs

My rants and raves about the World

Feeling Underappreciated

Filed under: Depression/Anger — Artchic528 at 10:06 pm on Monday, December 21, 2015

Is it depression that makes me feel underappreciated? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am feeling it something fierce (as the native locals around where I live would say). I guess it stems from the fact that whenever I see an appreciation thread for somebody else, by a member on the forums, I get envious and angry that nobody has yet to do the same for me. I’ve been a part of this community for a little over a year and have come to see that some members get more appreciation threads than others. Is it a huge popularity contest? Or maybe it relies on who has it the worst in life?

Either way, I don’t take the cake. I’ve never been popular, not even once, in my whole life. Well, there was that time when I was taken to prom by a rather attractive boy that was the son of my mom’s coworker. They arranged the whole thing so I could have a nice prom experience I guess. We went as friends, because he was dating somebody at the time. I will always remember this one look given to me when one of a pair of twins, whom were always acting better than everybody else, saw me with him. It was one of the few moments I felt pure bliss. For the following week or so after the prom, I was constantly being asked who my “date” was, and how handsome he looked. I guess that was as close to popularity as I could get.

Normally nobody would bother to even give me the time of day, and I would spend lunchtime in the school’s library. If that wasn’t an option, I would sit in a stall in the lady’s room near the cafeteria and eat my lunch in there. Much like Lindsay Lohan’s character did in the movie, Mean Girls.

On the other side of the coin, my life hasn’t been exceptionally dreadful either. I wasn’t abused physically, sexually or mentally as far as I can tell, and I had a loving supportive family. My kid brother did get Acute Lymphatic Leukemia when he was 4-5 years old, and a chunk of my childhood was spent dealing with that, but overall, I was happy.

So, back to what I was saying about feeling underappreciated. I guess it really bubbled to the surface when I celebrated my birthday this past November (on the 20th) and saw that nobody really made me a birthday thread. I got upset, and maybe over reacted a tiny bit, and a mod went and made me one. I guess I felt that everybody else had a birthday thread made for them, but when it came to me, I was forgotten. Not a feeling anybody wants to experience.

I decided recently to try to engage myself a little more with other members, and be more….what was the word? Oh yeah, sociable. It was advised that if I do this, more people would tend to gravitate towards me and maybe care about me a little more. It could even lead to me making an online friend or two. Goodness knows I need those.

Okay, so maybe the last group of online friends I had weren’t the most understanding, and my experience with them wasn’t the greatest towards the end, so making new ones might have me wind up where I was with the old ones, but meh, I’ve got nothing to lose at this point, except maybe my sanity. I can’t be any more friendless than I am now, right? Wait….is this what they mean by thinking “positively”? I might do this a little more often. It’s not so bad.

Anyways, I’ve written enough, it seems, so I’m going to end my post here.

TTFN

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