Bittersweet Heartsongs

My rants and raves about the World

Let It Go!!

Filed under: Healing/Therapy — Artchic528 at 11:04 pm on Thursday, February 11, 2016

Okay, so maybe that song is vastly overplayed, overused, and overcovered. However, it’s the title that I want to use in this post, as it’s about letting go of pain and such from your past that is holding you back from being a happy and healthy person.

It’s no secret that I’ve had my share of pain. To give a brief summary, I met a guy on another forum, which shall remain unnamed, and fell hard for him. He flirted with me, I flirted with him and soon we were exchanging our FB info. Anyways, long story short, I developed an unhealthy obsession over him, he got freaked and distanced himself from me, and I freaked out and wound up severely depressed. There’s also a sub-story about the group of friends we shared all getting hurt and stuff, but let’s not get into specifics.

Well, I held onto that pain, victimizing myself to such an extent that I was deeply ruminating and overanalyzing the events. I felt so much pain that I kept myself up at night doing that. I finally talked to a psychiatrist about it and they prescribed me a low dose of Melatonin. It helped, but didn’t really fix the situation completely.

It wasn’t until today that I found a link posted on the forums to an article written by DocJohn about letting go, Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On. This article helped me tremendously with letting go. I was sort of skeptical it could help, but when I came to the last step, which is about forgiveness, and forgave those people, I felt such a sense of peace!! I can’t explain it. I feel….closure, for the first time! I have a very stubborn streak, and had so stubbornly denied myself this experience for so long that I almost forgot what it was like to feel this way. If you too have a hard time letting something from your past go, due to the amount of pain you feel regarding it, I highly recommend you check that article out for yourself. Follow the steps completely. I used a journal to help me through each step, writing out how I felt and experienced. It was so cathartic I can’t even begin to describe it. Please, don’t begrudgingly hold onto your pain anymore. Heal yourself and move on. It’s so worth it, I promise.

Well, that’s all I want to share with you for now.


Sick of being sick….

Filed under: Physical Illness — Artchic528 at 2:30 am on Monday, February 8, 2016

To anyone who reads this blog, you might have been wondering where I have been. Well, I have taken a bit of a break from this site (more on that later), and also, I’ve been physically sick, and it seems like I have been sick forever!

It all started with a scratchy throat, which turned into a fierce cold. That cold settled deep in my chest and as a result, I contracted bronchitis. I went to Urgent Care at my mother’s insistence as she was worried about my really bad cough at the time. The doctor who saw me then put me on a nebulizer machine for a few minutes to clear up my lungs and prescribed prednisone and an albuterol inhaler to help prevent the bronchitis from becoming pneumonia.

I was chugging along, feeling better each day, when I felt the virus settle in my sinuses, becoming a sinus infection. So, I dutifully took some Sudafed each day to get any comfort I could. I wanted to avoid taking antibiotics at any cost, so I treated my infection at home. Slowly but surely, the sinus infection cleared up, but the virus persisted. I soon felt my throat becoming scratchy again, then all out sore. The back of my throat grew a white bumpy coating which left my mouth tasting like I had a wad of cotton stuck in it.

So I went to the Minute Clinic at my CVS, and they ran a strep test, thinking it might be strep throat. It wasn’t, but the symptoms persisted so the Minute Clinic RN prescribed me some numbing mouthwash with lidocaine in it for the pain. It was supposed to taste like cherries, as the label indicated, but all I taste is cough syrup type flavors.

I did some research online, and found that the prednisone I was taking a while back for my bronchitis had lowered my immune system a bit, being an immune suppressing drug after all, and caused yeast cells normally present in my throat to rapidly multiply unchecked. So, I trudged back to Urgent Care asking for anti-fungal medicine. They wanted to be absolutely sure I didn’t have strep throat, so they ran another strep test, which came back negative as well. They then pulled some of my blood to see if they could detect a strep infection through my blood cell counts, but nothing was amiss. They then gave me some anti-fungal mouthwash (it tastes like bananas!) and I’ve been using it ever since.

This whole ordeal is going on 3 weeks now. I just want to be healthy again. I miss being able to taste things normally. Admittedly, that hasn’t hampered my eating habits. I’ve been eating almost regularly. Granted, I may have lost a pound here and there, but nothing significant (bummer).

So now you know one of the reasons why I haven’t been on as much, and I apologize.